Married and Celibate

Sorry, for those of you who thought I was taking a vow of celibacy. Although with having four kids under the age of five, some of you may think it would be a good idea. I wanted to bring up a new prospective I have on celibacy and abstinence.
As many of you know two weeks ago our family welcomed in its sixth member, which means many things for me, including . . . well . . . celibacy, at least for a short period of time. The other day I was thinking about . . . well . . . my wife and God spoke something to me which I wish I had known way back in High School or even Jr. High. Celibacy or abstinence does not have to be a negative thing. It should not be viewed as not doing something, or avoiding something. Rather it can be (and this is really nothing new) and should be viewed as a spiritual discipline.

At first I thought, duh, celibacy is often seen as a spiritual discipline. However so often it is viewed as merely not having sex. The problem with this is that by itself not having sex is meaningless. During this brief time of celibacy I have two choices. I can count down the days until I can be with my wife again, or I can use this time to grow closer to God. When I fast I do not count down the time until I can eat again. Whenever I get hunger pains I turn to God. I use the hunger to remind me where my satisfaction really comes from. I use the hunger to remind me to pray and spend time with God. So, why not do this with celibacy? When I have the desire to be with my wife I can use it to remind me where my satisfaction really comes from, to remind me to pray and spend time with God. This time can be viewed as one of the difficulties of bringing a new life into this world or as one of the blessings of bringing a new life into this world.

This concept does not end with married people who remain apart for a short period due to medical reasons. It also applies to abstinence. Working in youth ministry for many years, I have heard so many reasons to wait. You don't want STDs, it will damage you emotionally, what if she gets pregnant, the Bible tells you not to do it, and the list goes on. While many of these are good reasons to abstain from sex until marriage, only looking at abstinence as not having sex because doing so would or could be bad, falls short of being a good reason to abstain. I think it may also be the reason so many Christians fail to abstain. The positive side of abstinence is too often over looked. Abstaining from sex now can draw you closer to God now. Abstinence can and should be seen as a spiritual discipline. Abstaining from sex is not just to avoid bad consequences, but it is also an opportunity to draw closer to God.